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Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Things Your Parents Probably Told You...

In the post I wrote for my parents' anniversary party, I mentioned a poem that my sister & I read. It was actually a compilation she put together of several similar poems. Here it is in its entirety. We definitely received a lot of laughs, heads nodding in agreement, & many comments afterwards saying they had either heard those same things from their parents or said them to their own children!

Things Your Parents Probably Told You
(a compilation of several poems)
Authors Unknown

They taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE: “If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside—I just finished cleaning!”

They taught me RELIGION: “You better pray that will come out of the carpet!”

They taught me MEDICINE: “If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they’re going to freeze that way.”

They taught me TO THINK AHEAD: “If you don’t pass your spelling test, you’ll never get a good job.”

They taught me ESP: “Put a sweater on; don’t you think that I know when you’re cold?”

They taught me TO MEET A CHALLENGE: “What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you…Don’t talk back to me!”

They taught me HUMOR: “When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”

They taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT: “If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”

They taught me about my ROOTS: “Do you think you were born in a barn?”

They taught me about the WISDOM OF AGE: “When you get to be my age, you will understand.”

They taught me about ANTICIPATION: “Just wait until your father gets home.”

They taught me about RECEIVING: “You are going to get it when we get home.”

They taught me about TIME TRAVEL: “If you don’t straighten, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”

They taught me LOGIC: “Because I said so, that’s why.” & “If you fall off that swing & break your neck, you can’t go to the store with me.”

They taught me FORESIGHT: “Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”

They taught me about the science of OSMOSIS: “Shut your mouth & eat your supper!”

They taught me about CONTORTIONISM: “Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!”

They taught me about STAMINA: “You’ll sit there ‘till all that spinach is finished!”

They taught me about WEATHER: “It looks as if a tornado swept through your room!”

They taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS: “If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you, would you listen then?”

They taught me about HYPOCRISY: “If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times…Don’t exaggerate!!!”

They taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE: “I brought you into this world, & I can take you out!”

They taught me GEOGRAPHY: “There are starving people in China!”

They taught me about ENVY: “There a millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you!”

And, they taught me about JUSTICE: “One day you will have kids, & I hope they turn out just like you…then you’ll see what it’s like!"