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Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Peace Lilies & Wellness of Soul

A restlessness has settled into my soul lately.  At times, I feel like I'm just going through the motions of the day, just barely getting through the basics of motherhood & homeschooling. Other times, I flit through the house, starting a project and not finishing it because I get distracted by something else that needs to be done. Or, I'll wander around, overwhelmed by what I see & making a mental list of repairs needed, items to be put away, etc., but lacking the energy or desire to tackle it at that moment.

I suppose we all have moments like this in our lives & I'm sure there is a variety of reasons we reach this point...stress, lack of sleep, boredom w/ routine, etc.

As I knelt in prayer before Mass on Sunday morning, I decided to place my restlessness in God's Hands. I asked Him for help & guidance in pinpointing the reason for this lack of peace & calm in my soul.

It was then that I glanced up at the altar. There in front of me, was a peace lily plant. It's large, green leaves were drooping...wilted & desperately in need of water. The browned flower stem, once holding up a pretty white petal, now stood tense & crisp, waiting to be pruned away for another flower to take its place.

I realized that I am like that peace lily. The reason for my restlessness is lack of attention & "water" -- spiritual nourishment. 

Almost every morning, I'm up by 5:45 (not by choice...Matt wakes at 5:30 & I can't fall back to sleep after I've heard him get up). I've chosen that time to be mine for spiritual nourishment. I get my cup of coffee & have a seat in the living room w/ my prayers & basket of books...
* my Journal of Joy (a spiral notebook for the joys in my life)
* a spiritual book (currently The Confessions of St. Augustine)

So, I'm getting a good start to my day, in the silence of the morning before the Blessings descend from their slumber upstairs.

A few hours later, the Blessings & I gather in the living room to start our school day w/ prayer (although this has not been as consistent lately).

Then...the rest of the day happens! We get busy w/ school & household duties. Occasionally, I might suggest the Angelus at Noon or the Divine Mercy at 3pm, but not on a regular basis. I'll throw out little prayers throughout the day...a prayer request I receive in an email, meal time prayers, a thanks to God, or a "Dear Lord, help me through this task!" Again, nothing is consistent.

By the time I fall into bed each night, I'm exhausted. Most nights, I'll start some prayers of thanksgiving & repentance for the day, but fall asleep in the middle.

I feel like I've gotten into a rut, stuck in a stagnant pool of life. Routines can be good, but sometimes they become just that...ROUTINE. It doesn't hurt to mix it up a bit at times. Just as that peace lily needs regular watering & attention, so does my soul & spiritual well-being. Something w/ the current routine is not working & needs to be changed.

Does that mean I need to chuck my current routine, overhauling my prayer life? Not necessarily. I receive much spiritual support from my morning routine. It's the rest of the day I need to prune, to find little reminders to "water" my soul.

Possible ideas...small changes that can make a big difference (and I welcome any others you may have)...
* set an alarm to go off at times I want to stop & pray
* kneel at my bedside for night prayers instead of lying in bed
* step back from the computer more often (this is a HUGE one for me...the world is not going to fall apart if I don't check my email & Facebook every time I walk by the computer!)

The Offertory song during Mass on Sunday was "It is Well with My Soul." While I don't feel like all is well at the moment, I do have the peace & hope that, w/ just a little pruning & watering of my soul, all will be well.

This video shares not only this beautiful song, but the history behind its writing.


Colleen said...

Ahh, must be advent is almost here! I am in almost the same kind of place you are.

Sometimes the Lord is calling us to something new. New way of praying perhaps.

I am waiting myself. Not very patiently I must admit.

You are in my prayers!