A restlessness has settled into my soul lately. At times, I feel like I'm just going through the motions of the day, just barely getting through the basics of motherhood & homeschooling. Other times, I flit through the house, starting a project and not finishing it because I get distracted by something else that needs to be done. Or, I'll wander around, overwhelmed by what I see & making a mental list of repairs needed, items to be put away, etc., but lacking the energy or desire to tackle it at that moment.
I suppose we all have moments like this in our lives & I'm sure there is a variety of reasons we reach this point...stress, lack of sleep, boredom w/ routine, etc.
As I knelt in prayer before Mass on Sunday morning, I decided to place my restlessness in God's Hands. I asked Him for help & guidance in pinpointing the reason for this lack of peace & calm in my soul.
It was then that I glanced up at the altar. There in front of me, was a peace lily plant. It's large, green leaves were drooping...wilted & desperately in need of water. The browned flower stem, once holding up a pretty white petal, now stood tense & crisp, waiting to be pruned away for another flower to take its place.
I realized that I am like that peace lily. The reason for my restlessness is lack of attention & "water" -- spiritual nourishment.
Almost every morning, I'm up by 5:45 (not by choice...Matt wakes at 5:30 & I can't fall back to sleep after I've heard him get up). I've chosen that time to be mine for spiritual nourishment. I get my cup of coffee & have a seat in the living room w/ my prayers & basket of books...
* my Journal of Joy (a spiral notebook for the joys in my life)
* a spiritual book (currently The Confessions of St. Augustine)
So, I'm getting a good start to my day, in the silence of the morning before the Blessings descend from their slumber upstairs.
A few hours later, the Blessings & I gather in the living room to start our school day w/ prayer (although this has not been as consistent lately).
Then...the rest of the day happens! We get busy w/ school & household duties. Occasionally, I might suggest the Angelus at Noon or the Divine Mercy at 3pm, but not on a regular basis. I'll throw out little prayers throughout the day...a prayer request I receive in an email, meal time prayers, a thanks to God, or a "Dear Lord, help me through this task!" Again, nothing is consistent.
By the time I fall into bed each night, I'm exhausted. Most nights, I'll start some prayers of thanksgiving & repentance for the day, but fall asleep in the middle.
I feel like I've gotten into a rut, stuck in a stagnant pool of life. Routines can be good, but sometimes they become just that...ROUTINE. It doesn't hurt to mix it up a bit at times. Just as that peace lily needs regular watering & attention, so does my soul & spiritual well-being. Something w/ the current routine is not working & needs to be changed.
Does that mean I need to chuck my current routine, overhauling my prayer life? Not necessarily. I receive much spiritual support from my morning routine. It's the rest of the day I need to prune, to find little reminders to "water" my soul.
Possible ideas...small changes that can make a big difference (and I welcome any others you may have)...
* set an alarm to go off at times I want to stop & pray
* kneel at my bedside for night prayers instead of lying in bed
* step back from the computer more often (this is a HUGE one for me...the world is not going to fall apart if I don't check my email & Facebook every time I walk by the computer!)
The Offertory song during Mass on Sunday was "It is Well with My Soul." While I don't feel like all is well at the moment, I do have the peace & hope that, w/ just a little pruning & watering of my soul, all will be well.
This video shares not only this beautiful song, but the history behind its writing.
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